How to Handle Passive-Aggressive Comments in a Toxic Relationship

Have you ever had someone say something that sounded nice, but deep down, you knew it wasn’t?

Maybe you’ve heard things like:

• “Oh, you’re actually on time today!”

• “Must be nice to have a day off.”

• “Well, at least someone around here is getting some attention.”

• “I was just joking! You’re so sensitive.”

• “I guess I’ll just do everything myself, like always.”

• “Must be nice to live in your little world where everything is perfect and you never make a mistake.”

  
  

These types of comments are passive-aggressive. They sound harmless but have a hidden sting. Over time, they can make you feel guilty, confused, or even question yourself.

So what can you do when someone speaks to you this way—especially if they get angry when you try to respond?

Why Ignoring Passive-Aggressive Comments Doesn’t Work

If someone uses passive-aggressive comments often, ignoring them might seem like the easiest choice. But silence doesn’t make the behavior stop—it can actually make it worse.

People who use passive-aggression rely on the fact that their words won’t be challenged. Over time, these small jabs can chip away at your confidence and make you feel like you always have to prove yourself.

Instead of ignoring it, try acknowledging the comment in a way that keeps you in control.

How to Respond to Passive-Aggressive Comments

The goal is to recognize what’s happening without reacting emotionally. Here are some simple ways to respond:

1. Ask for Clarification ➡️ “What do you mean by that?”

This forces the other person to explain themselves. Sometimes, when put on the spot, they may backtrack or realize their words weren’t kind.

2. Use a Neutral Statement ➡️ “That sounded like a dig. What’s really going on?”

This lets them know you noticed the tone but keeps the conversation open.

3. Set a Boundary ➡️ “I’d rather you ask me directly if something is bothering you.”

By setting a clear boundary, you show that you expect direct and respectful communication.

Example Response in Action:

Them: “Wow, you finally did the dishes.”

You: “I did. It sounds like you’re upset with me—do you want to talk about it?”

This puts the responsibility back on them to say what they really mean. It also teaches them that their comments won’t slide by unnoticed.

What If They Get Angry When You Respond?

If someone gets angry when you stand up for yourself, it may be a sign that they don’t want you to have a voice. That’s not healthy communication—that’s control.

But here’s the truth:

• Their anger does not mean you’re wrong for setting a boundary.

• Their reaction gives you information about how they handle conflict.

• You are not a bad person for using your voice.

If responding feels unsafe, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate the relationship.

You Deserve to Be Heard

If you struggle with responding to passive-aggressive comments, you don’t have to figure it out alone. I help women just like you find their voice and set healthy boundaries—even in difficult relationships.

🌿 Let’s talk. I offer free mini coaching sessions where we can explore your specific situation and what might help. Click here to book a free call.

You don’t have to keep walking on eggshells. There is a way forward, and I’m here to help.

💬 Have you experienced passive-aggressive comments before? Share your thoughts in the comments below!